"Overdone and Undercooked" Newspaper Columns©

One morning the teens and Grandpa had left and I was on the phone upstairs with my daughter. I looked out the window, and when I did, I was shocked to see Nick’s car.  He drove up to the barn and onto the lawn.  He spun his car in a circle, spiting out the dirt, under the wheels, tearing up the lawn.

A chill went through me, “Honey your Dad, has just pulled up and I didn’t lock the door downstairs..” “MOM!” she screamed. ” “I have to go.  I will call you back.” I went down the stairs and Nick was already standing in the family room.  I could see his enlarged pupils and smell the stench of pot.  All so familiar.

The only difference was the disheveled old man standing in front of me.  I don’t think he even saw the sleeping bags or the computers  or the messy floor.  The only difference was the last time I saw him he looked like him. Before me stood a dirty, bedraggled and unkempt old man.

“Get out of my house Nick,” I said loud and dark.  “THIS IS MY HOUSE,” he screamed.  “I will call the police.”  “Do it. I don’t give a shit.” I started to call on my cell, and it messed up, so I started to walk out to the kitchen to the landline. Nick came up behind me. And slammed my body against the wall with the door.  The door that led into the kitchen from the family room.  He pinned me behind the door.  My shoulders pressed into the wall.  I helplessly tried to loosen one arm as he is laughing.

He released the door and I ran down the hall.  I grabbed the phone and dialed 911.  I had the phone to my ear and Nick kept pleading.  ”I need to talk to you.  I need the spare car key, and my photos and…”  I hung up before speaking.  I could hear the Operator say 911. We had been down this road before.

Our last Christmas together. Three months before I found out about the affair and drinking. He started the bizarre behavior of quarreling about trivia. He hit me.  I said,if you hit me again I will call the police.   I called the police afraid of this stranger.

And then in the seconds I was holding the  phone I was thinking about our business, our lively hood, our daughter, 2 pines and a cone, everything destroyed over Nick’s depression that had reared its ugly head.  I could not let that happen, so I hung up.

I stayed on the phone when my renters left.  Our pitch for SEO was good in that it explained the process and how Search Engine Optimization (SEO) is often about making small modifications to parts of your website.

When viewed individually, these changes might seem like incremental inprovements, but when combined with other optimizations, they could have a noticeable impact on your site’s user experience.

And performance in organic search results. I attended online seminars. I had a a Manager that I spoke over the phone.  I had a script. I was to connect Home and Commerical security alarm companies.

And schedule a time to meet for 15 to 20 minutes. And to relay about SEO. And help bring in their business.  I never appreciated a job as much as I did that day.

When the boys left in the mornng I called. And when they came home, I stopped working.

And since it was summer, I had yardwork to do.

The boys had found my daughter’s Nintendo set.  They immediately knew how to set it up and played every day.  Both of them had brought their computers and were able to set it up in seconds, too!

Upstairs I would hear their laughter.  It would make me smile.  Which I rarely did anymore.  Especially since Chef Brock was out of my life until August quarter.  The boys would chatter and ride bikes both ways to their Baker. They would buy their own food, cook, and wash the dishes.  They would exercise. And Grandpa sometimes would come later.  So the boy always made their own dinners.

I rarely came downstairs when they were home.  Every morning I would find that the teens had fixed their breakfast and made their muscle shakes.  They even washed their dishes and cleaned the counters.  I could not have better roomates! When they would come home early evening, they spent most if their time outside.  It seemed to me that they made spaghetti pretty much every night for dinner.

I kept to myself.  I did not want to disturb their routine.  I didn’t want to talk about my troubles.  I never gave them a key to the house.  Because I was always home.

Now that I had found a job online.  The SEO job was calling on the phone six hours a day.  Five days a week to a list of customers targeting small and medium-sized business.  Hired because of my previous home-based work experience in Nick and my Business.

And I emphasize that I had exceptional Customer service and Relationship building.  Compensation will be a performance draw of $1,000 monthly base on the procurment of new accounts and monthly residual.

And as  I was about to say goodbye, I blurted out. “But I have a family room with its own entrance, bathroom, shower and TV.  And they can use the kitchen to make meals.”

“Would that work? ” The three showed up on our first hot June day.  Grandpa’s truck with the two teen’s bikes in the back.  The three piled out of the truck and shook my hand. The two 14-year-old boys introduced themselves.  One as just a friend of the family.  And the other introduced his Grandpa and himself as relatives of the Baker.  They were going to get up early to help the Baker  and be back late in the day.

Of course, right away they wanted to see the Barn.  Nick had thrown a rope on one of the pine trees and put up a swing on a high tree limb. Year’s ago when Emma was 12.  Grandpa was on the swing while the boys ran around the property.  There was no discussion about my situation and I was thankful they didn’t ask.

They set up sleeping bags in the family room on my curved sectional.  Grandpa handed me the $850 check.

Breathe again!  It felt like gold in my hands.  Breathe Innnnnn and Ouuuuut.

I showed them the closet in the family room for their clothes.  How the TV worked. And towels for the shower.  We went into the kitchen where the boys told me they would make protein shakes for breakfast.  So, I showed them the Vitamix, but then I turned around and the two boys were in the living room wrestling.

“Whoa! not in the house guys.”  They both yelped and grinned and ran out the door.  Grandpa came into get a cup of coffee and said, “Thank you for helping us.”I told him I would primarily be working upstairs and leave them be downstairs.

The boys took off every morning on their bicycles, and Grandpa drove off a short time later.  We had a pleasant routine for the first couple of weeks.

 

Culinary School is over for the year.  Hurray. No dish pit!  Boo no Financial aid. Told there would be no Summer School and no Financial aid.  Due to the Recession. They promised me that come August -when the classes would start again-I would receive a check.  Okay.  However, that leaves me with three months of no money.

I spent hours online looking for some telemarketing work.  I found a  job online to do SEO Search Engine Optimization.  We are an established Internet Marketing and SEO company.  We are targeting small and medium sized businesses looking for Sales Executives.  Compensation will be a performance draw of $1,000 monthly based on the procurement of new accounts and monthly residual.

Previous home based work experience, strong verbal communication skills, exceptional customer service, and relationship building.  Tomorrow is first hired webcam for the new group of hires.  The commission could save me but is it real?  I don’t know .  They say 1k base.   Who knows?  I don’t know.

I proudly now have the horse trailer, plus three boats, and two cars in the field!  Next, I want to rent my Barn.  I have a new Ad running on Craig’s list: 600 SQ FEET IN THE BOTTOM OF MY BARN.  GREAT FOR ARTIST, HOBBIES, ETC.

I received a call from out of state.  They had two teenage boys and a Grandpa that were looking to stay a month in town to help their Uncle run a Bakery.  They would bring bikes and ride each day to work.  The barn location was close to the Bakery.  The would pay $850 for the month because there would be three people.  They fiqured that would be the cost of a hotel.  Is the barn available?

I dropped to my knees.  I am on the phone with this stranger who sounds kind and offering real money!!  However, I quickly realized that there is no plumbing in the Barn.

However, I needed to do a few things first.

So I walked over to my neighbor, who lived at the bottom of the hill.  I was the only one who lived on the top of the hill with a view of the Mountain.

Jim and his wife, Betty, offered coffee and we sat at the kitchen table.  Without hesitation, I told them I needed money, and that I was going to park cars and boats in my field.

They looked a little stoned at this suggestion , but they realized I was asking them for money or I was going to do this alternative.

Guess what they decided?

Yeah.

I called my business Two Pines and A Cone.  I kept the ads running and the phone never stopped.

I no longer felt quilty or remorse and no responsibility for our business.

Nick and I no longer existed.

As for Nick. I had no idea what he was doing for money, and at this point I had to move forward.

With the divorce now behind me I feel like a horse running back as fast as they can to the barn.   Blessed and cursed with getting to keep my home.  I now actually have the opportunity to make money.

How?  Sell my furniture?  Rent out my barn? But the best surprise came by a phone call.  Thinking it surely was another client that desperately needed attention.  I no longer felt guilty or remorse.  I had no responsibility to a job that no longer existed.  As for Nick  I had no idea what he was doing for money and at this point I had to move forward.

However, the phone call was not for Nick.  It was for the Property Owner who happened to be me!   Can you see my grin?  It was an auto dealer who had driven by my property and saw the large field at the bottom of the house on the hill.  They were interested in parking their over supply of cars in the field. They would pay.

PAY!!!!?

The next day one of the representatives drove a car out into my field right up to where I was standing in my rubber boots. (The field can get muddy and it is  bumby not like a manicure lawn.)

Well, Mame.  I appreciate your call back.  A heavy set mustached man with a gray suit was looking at the bottom of his shoe, while talking to me and stated that the field would not work for the amount of cars they wanted to park.

Ok.  I said nodding.  Immeadiatly I went back to the house got on Craig’s List and put in and ad.  I got a call that evening.  Can you see my grin is showing all my teeth. YES!

Now i just had to figure out how much to charge.  The call was from a woman who had a horse trailer and i was to meet her down in the field at 8am.  I looked at other parking ads and saw a variety of prices.  So i decided on $54 a month.  When she arrived she was friendly and willing to pay but I realized (not really much of a mathematician) as we already know, but if  I dropped the price to $55.00 if she gave me 3 months up front that would be a whopping $165 RIGHT NOW.

She said YES.  So, I realized I had a real deal here.

I had bills and bills and bills.  I  immediately started to sell the furniture and the Jaguar.  The Jaguar had always had issues.  The old joke you need one for you and one for your mechanic.  But it was actually the $450 a month payment which was the biggest issue.  Nothing could be done, nothing was allowed to be sold until after the final divorce papers.

It was my first sports car and I immeadiatly got hooked on speed.  You could race around a semi-truck in the middle of a rain storm and the tires would be gripping the asphalt as if becoming part of it.  It was thrilling.  It had all the bells and whistle including a sun roof and a fantastic stereo.  It made me feel like we had worked hard and long to reach this place and it felt very much like a reward.

It also gave me a lot of comfort, when on days I couldn’t get it together. I would go to my favorite road that was windy up hill and long.  By the time I got home the music , the wind in my hair, the speed, had me in a better place before everything had crashed in my life. Knowing that it would end soon I went to check on the farm truck that our daughter had taken to college and came back with scratches and dents, big and little, and the red paint was chipped.

I knew the clutch had gone out, what I did’nt know, since it had been locked and parked for almost 2 years.  It was entirely full…of mold.  Mold on the seats, the seat belts, the floor, the floor mat, the ceiling, the side panels, the dashboard and even the  steering wheel.  The smell was horrid.

It reminded me of our first year of marriage and our apartment kitchen was wood walls and floors. And a blue refrigerator and oven.  We had been gone for a month traveling and the refrigerator had been unpluged!  The mold and smell inside was like a 1,000 people vomited in a stadium.

I cleaned the truck the same way I cleaned the refrigerator. With a lot of hot water and vinegar and washed it down entirely.

I found a mechanic who helped me sell the Jaguar.  He came and fixed the clutch. And start the battery.  And kept my beat up old red truck working.

Goodbye $450 a month payments.

 

Nick is a no show. Trial has been cancelled.  The Judge signed the settlement papers. Divorce was finalized April 2O, 2011.  Nick has the financial responsibility to pay the October 2010 property taxes as ordered by the court.

Which he did not pay.  My attorney is putting a  lien on him in regards to the $4555.61 back taxes from October.  But our hopes of acquiring any payment are very nil.  As he has moved out of state, is unemployed and seems to have alcoholic and drug problems.

Because it was a separation (without a divorce decree in a community property state)  I was ordered by the court not to sell any community personal property. This has posed financial challenges.  Right now I’m able to pay my mortgage with the financial aid from school and will soon have work study available for the summer quarter.

Attaching an escrow account with interest and fees on an adjustable mortgage and living on financial aid, no spousal support alone after a 39 year marriage without a partner and without family who I could turn to for financial help in a recession.  I can only ask you for help.

I have carefully assess the situation and know that it can be resolved, but I need you to work with me as I need at least 30-60 days to be able to sell enough belongings to gather the full amount and pay County immediately when received.

I will then be able to have County help me wth the October 2011 tax as I will qualify for the deferment program for those who are facing financial hardship as I had 0  income in 2010.

I will then be able to set aside the necessary funds each month to pay the April 2012 property tax,  so that I will never end up in this unpleasant situation again.

First, I can’t even count change.  Let alone do the formula required to bake. To make a cake, you need 16 eggs, to put in those giant tubs.  And I could not even remember how many eggs  I put in!  And messed up the recipe and would have to start over.

As a class, we made cookies, cinnamon rolls, brownies, scones, muffins, cream puffs, eclair, croissants, cupcakes, danish turnover, whole cakes, whole-fruit pies, cream parfait cups, cheesecakes, whole tiramisu, bagels, bread, panini, ciabatta, focaccia, milk rolls and sold to the student body what we made.

The best part was we got to taste everything!!  And those we didn’t sell we ate!  I waited all day for that one moment of pleasure.

Leigh would bake after class for the four of us.  We would sit in the main foyer where the table and chairs were and joke about the course of or life.  One day Willow pushed her long red hair back behind her ear and said. ”Guess what guys, we are going to have a big final test presention.”  Dylan shrugged at her and slumped in the cafeteria chair.  Marcus cupped his hands around his mug, “Oh Shit.”

At the same time, Leigh over and above with excitement!  She knew exactly how to get back to Chef Penny, who always gave her bad grades.

Just to piss off the teacher, Leigh’s presentation was going to be on edible underwear!!