"Overdone and Undercooked" Newspaper Columns©

That night I made my first call.  I remember him saying, I had to close on them on the first call, or else they would lose interest if you tried to do a follow-up.  Bam! Or, just pure luck!  My first call, got my first appointment.  And it was for Tomorrow!!  I was so excited, I called Butch at once.  He was genuinely excited, too.  After his coughing stopped.    He said meet me tomorrow, at McDonald’s, since they are right in that neighborhood.

”I want you to see the presentation.”  Butch was there in the parking lot in the same clothes as yesterday.  And all his jewelry.  Though I think the rug on top of his head was in a different direction.

I tried to park my beat up old red truck further away and walked over.  He shook my hand and went straight to the back of the Lincoln and opened the trunk.  ”What you got there Butch,” I said.  ”Well hold this please,” he hands me a long narrow heavy box. ” That is the stand that I will set up.  You can put it back down into the trunk.  We will pull it out right before we get to the house.  Then this box, I want you to take, as it is the folders and application, etc.”

Minutes later we arrive at an older looking rambler that sat in a cul-de-sac.  We knocked on the door, and an elderly gentleman, opened the door.  ”You are right on time,” he grinned.  Butch had barely said, ”Hello and immediately asked where the kitchen table was”.  I try to engage the elderly couple in a conversation.  I made remarks about what a lovely home.  I inquired about a painting on the wall.

When Butch burst in and wanted us all around the kitchen table.  Upon entering, there stood  (I swear. A 7 ft tall trade show display of a giant Walk-IN-Tub.)

 

 

As I listened, he explained my job was to call his list of leads, and make an appointment for him to visit the Client at their home.  That Walk-In-Tubs an excellent investment, for people who cannot shower, due to stability issues or cannot pull themselves, out of a traditional, Tub easily.

He turned the pages of the large brochure with one hand resting on the table and the other hand heavy with big chunky rings on all of his fingers including his thumb.  Pointing to a page, he turned a deadpan face to me.  ”Jillie. Right?”  My head perked up. ”Yes, Blake.” I said with a friendly look on my face.  While his black thick eyebrows shot up and out like an inverted V.  ”The name is Butch.  Not Blake.”

”Oh, my goodness.  I am so sorry, Blake, uh I mean Butch, please forgive.” ”Fine.  Are you following me, Jillie?”  ”Yes, I am,”  I said, nodding my head.  As he continued, I take a gander and guess, he is probally in his late 50’s.  His wristwatch is the size of my kneecap.  His face pinched reminds me of a dehydrated apple.

Butch clears his throat again.  ”I will pay you $10 an hour.  You will need to call a maximum of 4 hours, 3 days a week.  But one day has to be Sunday.  Best time to dial is early morning or after 7p.m.  If you get a lead, I will give you an extra $2.00 for that call.  And If I sell the Tub, I will give you $100.00, and I will pay you in cash, every Saturday.”

As soon as I heard ”Paid every Saturday” I was in.  ”Great, here is my list says, Butch.  Call away.  Let me know how it goes!”  Butch handed me his script, leads, and a brochure and stood up.  I was surprised at how large he was.  I noticed that his died mustache, matched the rug on his head, and a heavy gold chain lay acoss his neck.

”Jillie”, funny name,” he said and tugged at the pockets of his heavy motorcycle, black leather jacket, and pulled out a set of keys.  His black pants, black shoes, and black hair walked out the door and right to the Lincoln.

There it was in Craig’s list.  The AD simply read:  Telemarketer to call leads for Walk-in-Bathtubs.  PAID WEEKLY.  Oh yeah, baby that was precisely, what I needed.  I could not count on a 7 day a week Banquet serving.  I had to supplement my income.  I immediately got on the phone.

Since my voice was my only asset.  I was prepared to let him know that I was more than eager to ‘Dial for Dollars.’  The guy on the phone sounded like he was talking thru a handful of dirt and coughed every other sentence.  And I think he said, his name was Blake.  But after our 5-minute conversation we set up a time and date to meet at the local McDonalds.

He wanted to meet at the end of the week, but desperate once again, I got him to meet me tomorrow.  He said, I would know who he was, because he would have brochures on Walk-In-Tubs on the table.  The next day, I pulled up to the McDonalds, about 10 minutes early.  I had on the same old black pants and a old red suit jacket.  I hoped, he would not notice my black, culinary shoes.

I noticed an old cream color Lincoln Continental.  The old ones, that have the boxy front and a big grill.  And are as long as 3 small, Toyota cars, line up.  I chuckled, and thought you could fit a Walk-in-Bathtub in that thing.  I came through the front door, and surprised to see Blake was already there, and seated.

He was easy to find, as he was the only one at the table, with a notebook with a BIG picture of a Walk-In-Tub.  He also had a jet black Hairpiece that I couldn’t tell if it was on sideways or backwards.  I gave him a nod. As he was looking right at me.  I walked towards him, said Hello, and introduced myself and sat across the both from him.  He had no coffee and didn’t ask me if I wanted one.

He just started talking.

 

Dear Customer,

As your mortgage loan servicer wants to help you stay in your home.  We want you to know there is a program available that may help you.  If you qualify under the federal goverment’s Home Affordable Modification Program (HAMP) and comply with the terms of the Home Affordable Modification Program Trial Period Plan.  We will modify your mortgage loan and you can avoid foreclosure.

How can you find out if you qualify?  Just follow the steps below and let us know that you need help.  TODAY!  Step 1:  GATHER THE INFO WE NEED TO HELP YOU Detailed instructions on what you need to do to take advantage of this program are set forth on the enclosed document entitled ”Complete Your Checklist.”  Generally, you will need to:

Explain the financial hardship that makes it difficult for you to pay your Mortgage Loan using the MHA request for Modification and Affidavit (RMA)  and addendum.  Submit the required documentation of your income.  Make timely monthly trial-period payments.  If you meet the eligibility criteria, you will be offered a Trial Period Plan.  The monthly trial period payments will be based on the income documentation that you provide.  They will be an estimate of what your payment will be if we are able to modify your loan under the terms of the program.

If you do not qualify for a loan modification, we will work with you to explore other foreclosure alternative options.

STEP 2:  COMPLETE AND SUBMIT

Please complete the enclosed forms and submit all the required income documentation.  Now is the time to act.  We are ready to help you.  Please take the steps outlined on the enclosed document ”Complete your Checklist.” If you have any questions, please contact us.

Brick Bank is a debt collector.  Brick Bank is attempting to collect a debt and any information obtained will be used for that purpose.  However, if you are in bankruptcy or received a bankruptcy discharge of this debt, this communication is not an attempt to collect the debt agains you personally, but is notice of a possible enforecement of the lien against the collateral property.

The Making Home Affordable program was created to help millions of homeowners refinance or modify their mortgages,  As part of this program.  Fannie Mae  ( the owner of your loan )  your servicer, and the Federal Goverment are working to offer you option to help you stay in your home.

Complete your Checklist, Next steps, Important Program Info.  Frequently Asked Questions, MHA Affidavit and addendum, Important Notice, and IRS Form4506-T

 

One day, Pat asked me to sit down in the chair, in front of his desk.  He came around from his office, rubbed my shoulders, saying, I looked so tense.  He then sat down on the leather chair next to mine.

He gave me a long look.  Relaxed back in his chair.  And smiled as if he had a secret.  ”Jillie,” he said, as he leaned forward, and put his hand on my knee. ”I am taking a short weekend trip.”  And then, he asked if I would accompany him on this trip.  ”A work trip.” I said.  ”No.  Just to get to know you better.  Is anything wrong.” He asked, looking perturbed as he leaned closer, with his hand still on my knee.

I got goosebumps and not the right kind. ”No. Um I’m fine.  A short weekend trip.” I repeated with a plastered smile on my face.  Pat, gave me a broad smile that showed his crooked front teeth.  He leaned back in his chair, examined his nails.  I didn’t want to blurt out that I worked as a Banquet Server on the weekends.  I meet Patrick’s eyes, and as politely and honestly, as I could say, ”Um, Thank you, no.  I would’nt be able to come this weekend.”

”Why not?” he interrupted.  ”I have family obligations,” I say a little too quickly.  Where did I find the courage, when all I had was insecurities? As I finished speaking, his dismissive eyes, run over me from top to bottom.  And he stood up. ”My, My,” he drawled.  ”Well, I guessed as much!  It is best you get back to work.”

With wobbly legs, I opened the office door, walked out, closing it behind me.  I had been with the company for 11 days.  The next day, I was let go.  As soon as I walked in the front door, my Manager, David, asked me to come into his office, before I go to my desk.

”My Boss,” he explained.  ”Told me that they had decided to go a different direction, and would not need, my services.” Oh, no.   Oh, no  Oh, no  Oh no, SHIT….I stared at him in bewilderment.  Being you can quit anytime as a State employer or employee.  I had no leg to stand on.

David walked me out the front door of the building.  I would never be in again.  For the last 11 days, I had parked away from the building, to another parking lot.  Too, embarrassed to have anyone, see my beat up old red truck.  I walked with my head high. Until, I opened the truck door and collapsed into a burts of tears.  I needed this job so badly. $20.00 an hour would have save me.

What’s happened to me?  I didn’t think I could feel anymore devastated when my long marriage had collapsed.

What am I going to do?

 

I could not believe my good luck.  I had a chance to interview for a job during the recession.  Part -Time Inside Sales Manager that paid a whopping $20.00 an hour.  OMG, all my troubles would be over.  I had written a resume that emphasized our business and my phone skills.  It was a 32 hour a week inside sales job. That still allowed me to work evenings, Banquet serving!  Finding work during this recession was difficult.  And they wanted me!  I was more than giddy that they liked me.  I couldn’t stop doing the Happy Dance.

I showed up every day.  Promptly 10 minutes early, and left 15 minutes after closing.  My new boss, David, explained how I would be taught the vocabulary of them dialing for dollars.  I worked hard to listen, and took over abundant of notes.  It would appear that all was going well.  Not a bad commute and people were great…..all except for One.  The CEO and Senior partner of the company , Patrick Newsom.  He had been there for years and years.  He had the posture of someone who sits all day and eats all night. With a round tummy and peek-a-boo gray chest hair, that would come right through, his shirt buttons.

Even though I knew, I mean, I have been flirted with.   So, it took precisely the one-minute introduction to all of my co-workers when Patrick’s eye’s got big and said.  ”What is it we have here.”  He introduced himself as Patrick.  ”But you honey. You can call me Pat.”  He winked and gave me the two hands shake.  I wasn’t that innocent to know that he found me attractive.  Every time I walked the hallway, he would holler at me through his open office door to come on in. As he waved wildly.  He always asked me to close his door.  And sit down in one of the two black leather high-back chairs in front of his high-end executive office desk.

I was flattered that one of the top executives in the company had taken an interest in helping me with my new career.  I would sit with Pat for it seemed like hours. But more like half-hour. As he explained information about the company, and this and his role, and where they wanted to go in the future.  Pat would say, that I was someone he just wanted to get to know better.  So many great opportunities awaited me.

Enthusiastically, I would nod in agreement.  Truly excited to be part of such a great company.  More than once, my boss, David would come to my desk to ask where I had been.

Last weekend, I worked at a Beautiful Hotel. That sat very close to the Lake.  It was a gorgeous afternoon and went into early evening banquet serving.  It was held outside in a huge outdoor pavilion.  The theme was JAMES BOND!! Orchestrated  an event that displayed a collection of beautiful, old and new sports cars, that drove right up to the bandstand.

As Banquet servers we were dressed in our bowties and all-black shirt and black pants and black shoes.  We looked great! However, the twenty people we served, half men and half women, were dressed to the Nines!!  And at the end of the hotel’s driveway they had set it up as a kitchen.  The Chef at the hotel would come to our station with Cavier and Cream Fraiche, Tartlets, Edible Spoons filled with meat and cheeses.  And on and on and on beautiful masterful Hors D’oeuvre.  That followed with bottle after bottle of Champagne that we carried on trays, and the quest would take a glass or Hors D’oeuvre.

That evening was warm for early September.  All of our servers, including the quests, were enjoying so much, the music, the cars, the view of the water and the smell of so many great Hors D’oeuvres.  I would head back with an empty tray.  And one of the guy servers would grab my hand twirl me around, and we would dance just like the people in the tent were dancing.  We danced all night with our empty trays and tried to sneak bites of the fancy Hors D’oeuvre.

There wasn’t one moment in the hours spent I thought of nothing but having fun, eating, and dancing, and then at the end one of my fellow banquet servers, Tim, threw a dishrag at me and said, ”Were the lucky ones.  We got clean up.” We both did thumb downs.  Party was over for us.  I was washing the dishes, and he was drying and stacking them up for the Chef inside the hotel to pick up.  The Chef had just walked by, wanting to know what was taking so long.”

”All right, all right,” said Tim cursing under his breath.  Tim had been telling me that he couldn’t drive without a special ignition interlock device to be installed in the vehicles of convicted Drunk Drivers.  Sadness washed over me.  Tim was just a kid.  ”The devices would lock up if the driver tries to go anywhere while intoxicated,”Tim said.  ”They make me blow into a mouthpiece before I can start the car.”  Tim said bitterly. Electronic monitoring, they call it.”   ”Oh shit, Tim.  I’m sorry.”  ”Oh no, my life sucks right now.  I got my girlfriend pregnant.  At least she says it is me.”

The Chef came picked up the kitchen dishes.  Finally, the party was over and Hotel quiet, as the night was late, and I could tell Tim wanted to talk.  Tonight was the first time we had worked together, so we sat on the curb outside the Hotel, waiting for his ride.

It wasn’t long before and older car with scratches and dings drove up to the curb.  The woman inside looked like it might be his Mother.  We both got up off the curb.  Tim shrugged and smiles at me.  I nodded. I smiled. Tim gave me a nod and got in the car.

From an exciting day to a reality for Tim.

 

 

 

That night two of my favorite workers had been fired in front of all of us.

Kevin, who had just gotten out of prison.  His grin so wide you could see all of his teeth.  He was funny, and I liked him.  However, he had violated something and bragged.  Not using a quiet voice.  And customers could hear him.  Managment ws alerted and he was fired on the spot.    The same night Susan was fired just hours later.  I had worked with her many times.  She was swift to let you know she is 62, but she looked 72.  She can barely walk.  She was in a car accident and had to have a hip replacement.  You instantly felt sorry for her.  She reminded me of Divorce Recovery.  Older woman who were housewives and dumped.  Terrified, lonely, stuck in some miserable low-rent apartment after having had so much and now having nothing.

Susan worked for medium wage picking up full grates of wine glasses.  Folding miserable heavy starched napkins and tablecloths that hurt your hands.  Or lighting 100 candles, got to be a lot for Susan.  I had met Susan at a Community Center.  I and five others arrived on time to find out that none of the food had arrived.  However, we had only one hour before the party when it did get there. Everyone worked as a team.  And then we found out the DJ and music were late. One of our servers knew how to play the piano and saved the day.

Susan, a smoker and holding a mug of coffee, asked me if I wanted to take a break in her car, so we could sit for a minute.  She told me she was 39 when she had her last kid.  At 18 her daughter got pregnant.  He became abusive and has 20 domestic violence restraining orders against him.  He had spent a year in jail and he just got out.  Her daughter got back together and she got pregnant again with twins.

Not all banquet serving was fun.  Sometimes we made a whale of a mess.  At one event we wore white bowties, striped black and white aprons, black pants and black long-sleeved shirts.  One of the banquet servers picked up a tray of 10 glasses full of Champagne turned and they all fell right towards her chest.  She got soaked.  The glasses fell off the tray and broke.  Thank God that wasn’t me.  Another staffer gave her another shirt.  He told us he always brings a spare.

One night I was with three others and we were to serve Champagne at a meeting.  We arrived in a small room with 30 Champagne bottles on a counter.  I couldn’t believe it when one of the male servers started to remove the foil and the metal cage of a Champagne bottle. ”What are you doing?” I asked.  ”I am efficient and opening all the bottles.” ”We are not to open the Champagne until and hour before we serve it.”

”I don’t think so,” he sneered.  ”Besides, what else are we going to do while we are waiting to pour.”  Three hours later, the three of us are still stuck in this tiny room and waiting.  Only now, with all the Champagne bottles popped open.  I thought for sure he would be fired.  But the Supervisor came to the door and said, ”Pour time.”

Banquet working at the Casino I hear ”Hey Jillie,” Chef would say with all sorts of innuendos.  He was white-haired, old, tall, and missing some teeth.  ”Your Fire-roasted meat is ready, honey.”  Naturally shy and a private person, I had finally learned that Chef’s love to tease! ”You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.”  He would yell across the kitchen and stare at me all the way out the kitchen door.

At 20, I would have scoffed.  But at my age it was like shots of B-12.  After having been hit sideways and falling. I had been afraid of change when Nick left.  Because I had built my life around him. Yet, I was having the time of my life all through Culinary School and Banquet Serving.  It did not matter whether old or too young.  Everyone was up for fun!!  And honestly, some of the best parts of Culinary is the flirting!  It is an intimate environment making food and being part of a team.  Everyone is in the same rhythm and same goal.  You become family very fast.  And a Chef isn’t a Chef if he doesnt cuss or flirt in the same breath at all the girls.  And like all the male Chef’s I met.  They had easy smiles, but also faded quickly.

I actually learned to flirt.  I loved it!  When it was just one other Bartender and me.  We poured.  And then a crowd would slow down.  And we could talk.  Some just wanted to talk about there age or college or parents or just to talk shit.  And at almost every shift, I would get a big hug.  And not often did I see the same person again.

The Casino was the only venue that forbade eating anything.  And in our long dinner shifts, it seemed really unfair.  We could drink pop.  But no eating.  No one really knew his name.  We all just called him, Chef.  ”Here”, he said in his best I like you voice.”  He would hand me sliced scallops or prime rib in foil and told me to stand by the locker where no one could see me eat. So, having a Chef that liked you, paid off big time with treats.

One night he wanted to know  if we could get together after work.  A party was going on and I realized I had accepted way too many treats.  ”You just wish,” I yelled at him. And waved goodbye.  As I took off my apron and headed out the door. My shift over!

 

I had a goal to meet and supposedly would get a commission.  But I sat there in that stink hole for four months.  Hitting every goal.  And for some cocky reason, there was always found some sort of trouble, to cheat you out of your commission’s.

The Boss didn’t like me.  He disagrees with me. Micromanages me.  Can’t maintain eye contact.  Avoids me.  Won’t smile around me.  Short with me. He loses patience quickly while talking to me.  So, when I told him that I had accepted another job.  He said, ”Why.”  I said, ”Because it was full-time.”  He just walked away.

I quit.  And started a new job at Capital Finance.  On the first day, I was wearing my black jacket and black pants.  I had to fill out alot of paperwork.  And was told that the majority of the world has poor Credit.  And you will call them on the telephone, in regards to their funds.

I was introduced to people and where I would be sitting.  I thought it must be a joke day, at the office, when everyone who worked there was in their pajamas?  I am talking about not just sleep ware but: Slippers, Bare feet, Flip Flops, Bath Robes and Night Gowns??

I asked someone if it was a Holiday.  And she looked at me like I was an idiot.  So the next day, everyone was dressed in sleepwear again.  And I wore a black sweater and my black pants.  And again, I had to fill out a lot of paperwork. And that asked questions, like ”Do you like animals?”

On the 3rd day, I wore a black shirt and my black pants.  A woman in a sheer nightgown with a matching robe took me into an office and I was told I did not fit in.  ”Asking why no one said a word to me about the dress code?” She said nothing.  But handed me more paperwork and left the office door closed.

Then someone else came in wearing a bathrobe and tennis shoes.  She gave me a check for three days’ work $171.53 and took me to the front door. She opened it and closed it with me behind the door.

I went home and called my old Boss at the Magazine Subscription shop.  I told him what had happened.  He said, ”Come in tomorrow at 6 am.”

All that has hit me has been of Mountain size.  I have been able to stay ahead by one step.  Or learn to breathe until I could figure it out.

And it was only a few weeks later.  I got another call.