"Overdone and Undercooked" Newspaper Columns©

Fall brings a season of delicious harvests.  But who cares?  It is October!  I can feast on apples and pears any ol’day. But at the end of this month, it is Snickers and Mars bars.  Bite-size, King-size, oh-h-h-h for a chocolateholic, is there any better holiday than Halloween?

What other holiday do you send your child out to roam the streets in the dark to come home and deposit $100 worth of candy on the kitchen table?  There… gleaming under the kitchen light: Butterfingers, M&M’s, Baby Ruths, Dots, and Hershey bars.

You beg and cajole with your children to pleaaassse share that tiny Tootsie Roll, only to have their grubby (oh, I meant chubby) little hands grab it and yell, “NO!”

Halloween is such a wonderful time for children, full of spooky stories, costume parties, games, and good things to eat.

With all that, Trick-or-treating children will be thirsty. So have big pitchers of cold apple cider or have a large bowl of punch or grape juice, and tell the children they have to stir it well to make their spells jell!

Let’s face it.  Halloween is sugar, sugar, sugar! So let’s get the kids (and Mom) started now!

Trick or Treat!

P.S.  It is October–the beginning of the frightful threes:  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas.  Soon we will be plunged into heavy holiday eating. 

But stop right there because the fact is, like a lot of us, I need to regain my composure and admit there are only two months until Christmas! 

We have got to paint the living room, sew drapes, hook a carpet, make matching outfits and bake!

Help!  Share your favorite quick and easy recipe.  Keep those e-mails coming!

MONSTER MUNCH

1 cup chocolate pieces

1 cup shredded coconut

1/2 cup peanuts

1 cup corn Chex cereal

Melt chocolate pieces until all are smooth—mix the remaining ingredients with the chocolate.  Shape into round balls, place on wax paper. Chill.

KEEN HALLOWEEN ICE CREAM

One gallon of any flavor of ice cream.  Width-wise, slice one inch thick and place each slice on top of a graham cracker.  You have an ice cream sandwich!  Freeze on wax paper until serving time.

TRICK OR TREAT BASKETS

Cut firm oranges in half and scoop out the pulp.  Be careful not to break the skins.  Save the pulp and press through a strainer, and use for juice at breakfast.  Fill the empty orange halves with canned or fresh fruit cocktail, and before serving, top with scoops of vanilla and orange sherbet ice cream.

JACK O’LANTERN CAKE

Mix together: 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup butter, 1 tsp. Ginger (powdered) 1 tsp. Cinnamon, 1/2 tsp. Salt.  Set aside.  In a large bowl, beat one egg until fluffy.  Add 3/4 cup milk and 3/4 cup dark molasses.  Sift 1 tsp. Baking soda with 2 cups flour and add to above mixture.  Bake at 325 degrees in an ungreased round cake pan for about about 35 minutes.  Cool before icing.

ICING:  1 cup confectioner’s sugar, 1 Tbsp. Butter, 2 Tbsp. Milk, orange food coloring.  Mix the sugar and butter in a bowl with a fork.  Add the milk slowly.  Stir until creamy.  Add drops of food coloring, stir until you get a pumpkin color.  Spread icing on the cake

PUMPKIN FACE:  You will need gumdrops, candy corn, and red licorice.  Arrange some gumdrops in a triangle shape to make the eyes. Arrange the candy corn in a triangle shape to make the nose. Finally, use the licorice whole as a strip or in pieces to outline the shape of the pumpkin’s mouth. Presto! You have a Jack O’Lantern cake!

GLOWING JACK O’LANTERN COOKIES:  Carve each pumpkin, then put in the “glow.”

1/2 cup shortening

6 Tbsp. butter

3/4 cup sugar

Beat shortening and butter with an electric mixer in a large mixing bowl—about 30 seconds.  Add sugar and beat until the mixture is fluffy.

One egg

1 tsp. vanilla

1 Tbsp. milk

Add egg, vanilla, and milk to the shortening mixture.  Beat well.

2 cups flour

1/4 tsp. salt

1  1/2 Tbsp. baking powder

In a separate mixing bowl, combine flour, salt, and baking powder.  Gradually add flour mixture to shortening mixture, beating well—cover and chill for three hours.

Roll out half of the dough on a floured surface.  Cut into 4 to 5-inch circles.  With a sharp knife, cut pumpkin eyes, nose, and mouth out of each circle.  Fill holes with crushed hard orange sour candy.  Attach cut out stems.

Place cookies 2 inches apart in a foil-covered cookie sheet.  Bake at 375 for 10 minutes until cookies are light brown.  Cool.  It makes excellent pumpkin-head cookies that you can see through.

I made a mental note to myself that I would not let another year go by without apologizing. But, you see, it started way back at the beginning of the very first school year, when I received your first parent handout…on the last day of school.

When I originally suggested that as parents, we would appreciate some sort of weekly correspondence to the other moms, they all turned and looked at me like they had never heard a simple suggestion before. Then, as years went by, I grew suspicious when I found out there was a… weekly handout.

But I considered that small potatoes when my children came home in their pre-school years and could finally tell that a nickel was not more money, just because it was bigger, than a dime.

I was pleased to see the few notes that did come my way.  If you’re keeping track, I have given notice as a volunteer. So how did I know that the entire homeroom phone tree collapsed because I did not get my weekly notice?  The request seemed reasonable.  Call parents in case of an emergency.  Unfortunately, they sent my list of parent’s names home with the weekly notice.  As for poor Barb Shertzer, homeroom parent, I apologize.

It never occurred to me that you may not realize the true reason why I am writing you today.  It is–well–it’s embarrassing.  I mean, I wouldn’t bring it up, but yes–that was–my signature on all those excuses and notices that did make it home.  You–did get them, right?

I know what you’re thinking; how could anyone have such bad handwriting.  Well, let me tell you, it wasn’t easy.  I was never in a relaxed upright position, with glasses on, a cup of coffee next to me, sitting in my easy chair.  Oh…no.

I don’t think that there is anything that can make my moment like hearing a hysterical 11-year-old brooding over the urgency of a school note that must be signed NOW!  There was no doubt in my mind that she was talking directly to me even though I could not see her, as I had an armful of laundry, the newspaper in my teeth, just hit my crazy bone while going down the stairs.  I had to sign my John Henry with my toes.

Or the time I was on my hands and knees, hoisting the mattress on my back trying to flip it over, when Junior, who I had just seen kiss the dog on the lips, kisses me goodbye.  Leaving for school, tears welling in his eyes, he explains the crumpled paper in his hand is the note to allow him on today’s field trip.  I used my teeth to glide the pencil across on that note.

Let’s see, and there was the time in the car I had to use the steering wheel to write my name; while being kicked from the back seat by the neighbor’s kid…What the heck.  This is like yesterday’s leftovers.  Old news.  I promise that next year will be different.  There I feel better.

Sincerely,

A Parent

P.S.  I have never found it sound practice to compare myself to other people (up until a few days ago), so I would like to share with you this great recipe.  I know you might get a lit–tle bored this coming summer without your students, and cooking is a practical hobby.  “Aw, c’mon forgive me please…”

TROUT FOR TEACHER

4 Large Trout

1 Tablespoon olive oil

Sauce: 2 Tablespoons Dijon Mustard, 2 Teaspoons wine vinegar, two egg yolks, salt and pepper, 6 Tablespoons unsalted softened butter, 2 Tablespoons chopped fresh chives, ½ cucumber sliced thin.

Wash and clean the trout.  Cut off the heads and dry the fish.  Wrap each trout in a piece of oiled aluminum foil and put them in a baking dish.  Bake in the center of a preheated oven at 425 degrees for 15-18 minutes.

Remove the dish from the oven and open the foil packages to allow the trout to cook slightly.  Slice each fish among the underside and, with an appointed knife, carefully loosen the backbone. Ease the backbone out gently so that most of the small bones come away with it.  Set the trout aside to cool.

To make the sauce:  Beat the mustard, egg yolks, and vinegar together until well blended; season to taste with salt and pepper.  Gradually add butter to the egg mixture, beating all the time until the sauce has the consistency of thick cream. Finally, stir in the finely chopped herbs.

Before serving, peel the skin from the cold trout.  Cut each into two fillets.  Arrange on a serving dish.  Pour the sauce over the fillets.   Lay thin slices of cucumber on top of trout.

Deep thinkers throughout the ages have devoted themselves to solving the mysteries of life. So, where are these guys when you are trying to find your car keys?

Anxious moments are spent looking on top of the fridge and in drawers (stopping to put the cap on the toothpaste and straightening pictures on the wall) then finally, all hopes exhausted, there they lay…inside a sweaty tennis shoe, under a pile of wet towels in the laundry basket.

As usual, I was in my typical morning panic.  There was nothing in the pantry to make a decent kid’s lunch.  So I had to cleverly create with the half-wrapped saltines way in the back.  I slapped them together with honey.  I sequestered all the loose grapes in the bottom of the fruit bowl and threw them in a baggy.  Thank goodness there was a string cheese stuck in the corner of the fridge light bulb and alone pickle in the pickle jar.  No drink.  Do you think she will mind?

Who am I kidding?  I will hear about this rotten lunch for days.  There is no more dragging my feet.  I have got to buy some groceries.

It was of no comfort to me knowing that I had found my car keys only to misplace the grocery store coupon book.  Without it, I knew the consequences: looking around each isle cautiously, as an onslaught of little red tags attached to all the items I need that day to wag their tongues at me chanting, “What a dim bulb you are for missing all these exceptional savings.”

I dropped everything and took a deep breath, and tore through the house.  I couldn’t leave without it.

Twenty minutes later, I finally arrive at the store. I grab a cart (which by the fourth aisle is a third full of groceries)the wheel wobbles and squeaks.  (Why me?  I always get the bent fork at dinner, too.)  I breathed a sigh of relief when I remembered what a luxury it was to shop without children.

It is downright expensive to grocery shop with that toddler strapped to the front of the cart.

Your mind is trying to decipher a mathematical equation “Is the two for $5 a good deal?” when out yells, “I’ve got to go to the bathroom. Now.”

After three turns down the aisle, you have noticed 17 items, “sticky fingers” has flung in the cart, a headache, and a broken vinegar bottle you left in the last aisle.  You spend more time picking them up and putting them back in the cart than shopping. Finally, you end the whining and get the cookie, only to have them take one bite and fling it.

It was bad enough that they insisted on wearing the Halloween cape they have had on every day for 40 days and nights and the Burger King crown. By the time you get to the check-out stand, your hair is standing on end, and you have spent the entire month’s budget.

Call it woman’s intuition, but I’ve never trusted the grocery clerk who is chewing gum and wants to talk about everything you’re buying.

“Hmmm, I see we’re having pork chops tonight,” they say knowingly. Then, they tilt their head and accusingly ask if you’re going to have those canned cherries for dessert, too.  Or, they hand you the candy bar with a bit of wink and say, “Bet you want this now.”

‘Ohhh, nooo,” you say, “Throw it in the sack.”  Even though it is the only thing you have thought clearly about all day- but the heck if you’re going to let this squirrely guy know that.

Or the box boy who thinks he can stuff your $100 groceries all into one bag and is proud of it.

But my personal favorite is the guy who picks up the perfect peach. You spent 10 minutes checking for bruises and rolls them down the counter as you watch them bang against the wall.  Then the box boy picks it up, throws it in the air, and slam dunks it into the grocery sack, and the whole time they are talking to each other about that lousy clerk who takes too many breaks.

You know life is out of control when your only form of entertainment is to find the longest line and speed read every magazine in sight, hoping the clerk doesn’t pick you to start a new line so you can finish that article on Jean Claude Van Damme.  Or when you see a magazine you would love to have and suddenly realize that you do, and it has been sitting on the coffee table for a week, and you have never opened it.

For a reason I can never understand, I always get the box boy who walks out behind me pushing my loaded cart, and when I reach my car, I turn around, and he is across the parking lot following another woman.

But I know we agree. Of course, the best part is getting them home and finding someone else to take them out of the car!

Oh, by the way, since school is out early tomorrow, maybe when the kids come home, we should have an extra special lunch, considering…

A GREAT KIDS LUNCH

This crunchy stir-fry is easy to put together.

1-1/2 cups cooked, chopped chicken

1 -10-oz package frozen stir-fry vegetables

1/4 cup water

1/4 teaspoon ground ginger

1/2 cup orange juice

Two teaspoons cornstarch

One 3-oz can chow mein noodles

Mix in saucepan chicken, vegetables, water, and ginger.  Stir.

Set pan on medium-high heat.  Cook till bubbly.  Cover. Turn to low heat cook for five minutes.

In the bowl, put orange juice and cornstarch.  Stir.  Stir juice mixture into chicken mixture.  Cook and stir till thick and bubbly.  Then cook and stir for two minutes more.

For each serving, arrange one-quarter of the chow mein noodles on each plate. Then, spoon the chicken mixture over the noodles.  Makes four servings.

My shoulders sagged.  My mouth was drawn, and tears filled my eyes. I sat cowering in the corner of my airline seat.

I would be gone only three days visiting a relative; however, the car was barely out of the driveway when my husband announced his plans.

“What are you going to do with yourself?” I lovingly asked my husband as he drove the car.

Coughing slightly, he whispered, “Move the washer and dryer out of the kitchen.”

My head jerked up, and my eyes flashed widely.

‘What! Oh no, don’t start any remodeling projects while I’m gone,” I pleaded.

But I knew it was too late.  The look was there. As I sat in my airline seat, I envision what was going to happen.

I suppose I have myself to blame if I hadn’t been so vocal about the fact that some fool who designed the house put the most used appliance (the washer and dryer) in a 58 ¾ inch space inside a closet! In the kitchen?

May that person be cursed with a breadboard on top of their silverware drawer.

You see, for years, I had struggled with this dilemma. I was dragging the dirty laundry down the hall, squeezing it into the washer with naturally no place to put it after the dryer cycle but on the kitchen table.

Did this architect just assume that the kitchen table would be empty? 

Architect, you are either naive on the subject of living space or think that games, toys, bills, mail, patterns, keys, and fondue forks have drawers with names on them?

Naturally, on my busiest of laundry days, the doorbell rings. I tiptoe to the curtain, peek through, and there stands Aunt Mable and Aunt Violet, who has never been to my home, and I haven’t seen in two years.

You know darn well that they won’t stop ringing the bell; they will be turning the doorknob next.

Of course, they will give you the obligatory “Don’t worry about your messy house, dear, we just came to see you,” as their eyes roam wildly about in fright.

Desperately, I swooped the laundry off the table (after kicking the table contents under the floor mat) race down the hall and fling the laundry onto my bed.

They don’t leave until 11:30 pm that night. Somehow, managing to keep them out of the bedroom exhausted, I collapse.  Too tired to fold the laundry, I gently roll them on the floor where they mingle and mate with dirty clothes.

I realized the next day, to my dismay, I have to start the entire process again.

But now, the problem had worsened. My husband, the world’s handiest handyman – NOT! – was tired of hearing the whining and decided to do his favorite project – FORMICA.

This man learned how to apply Formica on toilet partitions during a part-time job in college.

He has had the fever ever since. We have a lovely array of colors on a Formica coffee table, sewing table, chest of drawers, closet door, and TV trays.  I have no idea what wood looks like.

I had an inkling that removing the washer-dryer would leave a large (well 58 ¾ inch gap)in our kitchen.

What does this mean?  I will tell you what it means. A total kitchen remodel!

Lucky, you say? Huh. I don’t think I will be seeing quartz countertops and oak cabinets. Oh no, it will be FORMICA.

CROCKPOT DINNER

Cooks all day while your husband destroys your kitchen into no-man’s land. You need a Crockpot.

Remolding? Get one soon.

2 lbs stew meat, cut in 1-inch cubes

¼ cup flour

1 ½ tsp salt

1 ½ cups beef broth

1 tsp Worcestershire sauce

1 peeled clove garlic

1 bay leaf

1 tsp paprika

4 carrots, peeled and sliced

3 potatoes, peeled and diced

2 onions chopped

1 stalk celery, sliced

Place stew meat in Crockpot. Mix flour, salt and pepper. Drench meat stir to coat.  Add remaining ingredients and stir.  Cover and cook low 10+ hours.

One of the most overzealous groups of people I know are ex-fatty’s.  They have gone from plump to pumped.  No longer does a hot fudge sundae rule their life.   They have learned the secret to controlling their weight by getting control of themselves.

I hate ’em.  They no longer go blindly through their day with their mouths open, chewing and swallowing whatever comes through their path.  They walk by the refrigerator and don’t open it.  A treat is not candy but bottled water.  They would never think of putting an M&M found under the couch into their mouth.

Don’t misunderstand me.  I have nothing but respect for these truly unpleasant self-disciplined people.  I was once one, but then something happened.  No one told me I was getting older, and without informing me, my body took it upon itself to re-adjust my metabolism from hamburgers and shakes to don’t eat a pickle, you’ll blow up.

Because I am basically a strong person, I was able to resist a lifestyle change. Unfortunately, my husband’s addiction to exercise grew steadily worse.  And to make matters worse, he is also a black belt in Karate. Naturally, for the last several years, I have tried to ignore this.

The keyword was ignored, but he has become right-out obnoxious about the benefits of sweat.  Very frankly, I don’t feel the problem of chubbiness will be worked out in my lifetime.  This seemed to be my answer until recently when I had to admit my cases of convenient excuses were growing thin while I ……

On my first day in Karate class, I was devastated.  First off, this outfit has no shoulder pads, and hiding your waistline is impossible–they make you wear a belt!

Forget combing your hair.  In less than 15 minutes, you have an entirely different hairdo–the wet look.

Of course, getting in shape doesn’t happen in a day.  You have to build up to it through a series of self-inflicted and crippling body movements that immediately cause pain.

Normally articulate and well-spoken, after a one-hour class, exhaustion sets in, loss of appetite, and all direction.

Unfortunately, by 8 p.m. that evening, I’m ready to eat a horse, and that one hour is long forgotten, until morning, when everything, including things you never think of like wrists, shriek and creak.

My friend says, “Have a tummy tuck; it’s less painful.”  I say as long as I stay a white belt, my waistline won’t be as accentuated.  I’m trying to be a good sport, but you see that is one of the problems, it’s a sport, and I have always been a spectator.  They say that studying martial arts is a lifetime experience.

I will need that time to get a black belt.

QUICK DINNER WHEN EXTRA TIRED

4 Bratwurst

1 large apple cored and sliced.

6 small Yukon gold potatoes

1/2 medium size cabbage cut into small wedges.

sour cream

Bring water to boil and add potatoes.  Last 10 minutes cook the bratwurst in the same water with the potatoes.  Drain and set potatoes and Bratwurst on warm platter.

Bring hot water to boil in a large pot.  Place steamer inside and add apple, cabbage over low heat until apple is soft.  Season all with salt and pepper serve warm on platter with the Bratwurst and a dollop of sour cream.

“When I lived in Italy, it was like I was on the Planet Crypton,” Nick Stellino confides. “When I arrived in America (planet earth), I felt as if I could become Superman.”

Sicilian-born, Chef Nick Stellino, decided to follow his heart.  His hard work and long efforts have made him the star of PBS’s most popular cooking show, “Cucina Amore.”

A partnership with West 175 and KCTS/Channel 9 has created a nationally syndicated cooking show and three cookbooks: Cucina Amore, Nick Stellino’s Glorious Italian Cooking, and his newest, Nick Stellino’s Mediterranean Flavors, published by G.P. Putnam’s Sons.

His graciousness showed under pressure at Woodinville’s Columbia Winery’s recent “Taste of Red” event.

Settling down on a couch in an upstairs room of the winery, he began to say how surprised he was by the power of television and how he marveled that people now stand up and listen to what he has to say.

“When I was a dishwasher, no one said, “oh, your eyes are so blue,” he laughed.  Dressed in a black turtle neck sweater, black pants, and black hair swept back in his now famous ponytail; Stellino seemed more philosopher than chef, his words spoken with his hands and heart.

“Being a chef is a dream come true for me.  It has enabled me to incorporate all the things that are important to me into my daily life.”

Stellino commutes from Los Angeles, California, where his daily life is spent living in Los Angeles with his wife, Nanci. He spreads genuine warmth when he talks of her, and the passion of his childhood in Italy, and the family stories which have become his trademark.

Each fall, he arrives in Seattle to begin taping “Cucina Amore.” Twenty-six shows are taped a year at KTCS, sometimes up to three a day.  He is such a natural that there is no need for a rehearsal.  He writes his cookbooks at his favorite coffee shop in Los Angeles or his office at home.

Arriving in the United States as a teenage exchange student, Stellino stayed and established a career as a stockbroker.  But, in 1991, after returning home to his uncle’s funeral in Sicily, he remembered his words, “that you should never die without having followed your dreams.”

He came home, quit, and landed a job as a dishwasher-but, the informal lessons he had learned from his family of passionate cooks helped him to rise from dishwasher to prep cook, to salad chef, to saucier-all the way to executive chef.

A local talent scout selected Stellino as the TV spokesperson for Ragu tomato sauces.  This national exposure led to his television cooking series.

As he enters the room to his attentive audience, he places a red-and-white checked kitchen towel around his waist.  He immediately charms them as he reiterates a question I had asked earlier, “What does it feel to be a success?”

He explains to the audience that success is a perception. “It is not status quo-only perfect moments-are success.  People on TV seem so good, so special, but believe me, I have burned many recipes.  I can cuss very good in Italian”, he said.

His third book, “Nick Stellino’s Mediterranean Flavors,” is an all-new collection of traditional Mediterranean cuisine recreated to make them simple enough for novice or busy cooks.

I tried this recipe and found it very easy.  The gravy looked beautiful, and the flavor was company quality.  After this success, I tried many more recipes in this book.  I found them all to be peppered with Stellino’s enthusiasm and emotional connection making each dish memorable.

CHICKEN WITH GARLIC SAUCE

2 tablespoons flour

1-1/2 teaspoons sage

1-1/2 teaspoons rosemary

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

4 boneless chicken breasts, with skin on

3 tablespoons olive oil

20 garlic cloves!, cut in half length-wise

1/4 teaspoon red pepper flakes

1/2 white onion, chopped

1/4 cup white wine

1-1/4 cup chicken stock

1 tablespoon soft butter mixed with 1 tablespoon flour

3 tablespoons chopped fresh Italian parsley

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Combine the flour, sage, rosemary, salt and pepper on a plate.  Dredge the chicken breasts in the flour mixture, shaking off the excess flour.  Heat 2 tablespoons of the olive oil in a large saucepan set on medium-high heat until sizzling, about 2 minutes.

Add the chicken breasts to the pan, skin-side down, and cook for 4 minutes on each side.  Transfer to a baking dish, skin-side up, and cook for 10-15 minutes in the preheated oven.

While the chicken is baking, add the remaining olive oil to the saute pan used for browning the chicken and heat over medium-high heat until sizzling, about 1 minute.  Add the garlic, red pepper flakes, and onion and cook until the onion softens and the garlic begins to brown, about 3 minutes.

Stir the wine into the pan, scraping up any brown bits from the bottom. Boil the wine until reduced by half, about 2-3 minutes.  Add the chicken stock and boil until reduced by half, about 7-8 minutes.  Remove the pan from the heat and whisk in the butter-flour mixture, stirring until it has melted completely.  Return the pan to the heat and boil for a minute until the sauce thickens.  Keep warm until ready to serve.

To serve, place the chicken breasts on serving plates, top with the sauce, and a sprinkle of the chopped parsley.  Enjoy with a glass of Cabernet Franc.

My curiosity, such as it is, was piqued the other day as I glanced at a flyer in the Sunday paper.  Our own local Darigold was on a quest for a new ice cream flavor.  

If you want to see a flagrant and spectacular violation of the known laws of physics, watch how fast a half-gallon of ice cream can disappear when I am near.

So being the ice cream hound that I am, I immediately sat down and sent them 23 flavors.  

I thought I had been clever with fun names and whimsical ingredients:  Maui Waui, Shanna Banana, Seattle Grunge, and was counting the days until September 20 when the finalist would be notified.  

But as the countdown continued, the complacency gave way to the grim, clear-eyed reality that I lost.

Whipped into an emotional frenzy, I had almost succeeded in driving the thought of doing two of my favorite things–eating and eating ice cream Good-Bye, when I received this letter:

“Dear Darigold Concoction Contest Entrant:

Congratulations!  While your ‘flavor’ was not one of the winning entries, your letter convinced us that you deserve a seat on Darigold’s Feature Flavors Selection Panel as a VIP guest taster.  You will be sampling 48 different flavors of ice cream to help us select the flavors that will be included in next year’s Darigold Feature Flavors program.”

I naturally was delighted, yet I became delirious when Jan Roberts, Consumer Scientist for Darigold, informed me there were over 10,000 entries!

“They had all been very clever,” she explained.  “Some went as far as sending ingredients with their recipe.  Out of all the entries, there seems to be a trend towards coconut, pretzel, lemon, and mint flavors.”  

And she continued chuckling as it was quite a challenge to narrow 10,000 entries down to four flavors, one for each category of fruit, nut, chocolate, and candy.

How long did it take to compose one of the four winning flavors?  Four weeks.  

The flavor was sent to the manufacturer, who took about a week with special instructions from Darigold.  A quart would then return to the consumer science lab, where the staff would taste and approve the flavor. When approved, the design for the box would start, and ample ice cream would be made for the VIP taste testers who would choose the winners.

First, we started with fruit and used the two-spoon method.

I was ready for the big one spoon method, but rules are rules.  

We had 20 minutes to take ice cream from a big metal spoon and put a scoop of ice cream on a little tiny pink plastic spoon.  Savor the flavor (as many times as we wanted), then rate it on a scale of 1-5 for the overall reaction to the flavor, name, and carton design.

I will not here or anywhere describe what I remember of eating 48 flavors of ice cream in 2-1/2 hours, which is almost everything.  

Enough to say that having not eaten 48 flavors of ice cream in one sitting before, I was surprised that by the time we had reached the fourth category (candy), I wanted to shout, “Enough already! My teeth are getting fuzzy!”  

But I did not because the four finalists and the 17 invited guests would have turned on me, and my lifeless body would have been found later in a butter vat, covered with tiny pink plastic spoons.

I was incredibly full.  

Me–an ice cream addict who in a million years would never have thought ice cream could be filling.  But each taste was better than the last. Every bite burst with creamy, rich flavor, with wonderful ingredients and surprising names, such as Mud Puddle, Cloudy With a Chance of Cookies, Chocolate Freckles, Muddy Snowshoes, and Cluster’s Last Stand.

The winning flavors for the four categories were: Mad About Chew (chocolate category) with chunks of brownies, mini candy-coated chocolates, ribbons of peanut butter, and chocolate-flavored ice cream; Red Hot Java (candy category) with cinnamon red hot candies, and cinnamon-coffee-flavored ice cream; Internut (nut category)with roasted almonds, white chocolate chunks, webs of chocolate fudge, and pistachio-flavored ice cream; and English Lemon Meringue Custard (fruit category) with lemon meringue swirl, pie pieces, and lemon-custard flavored ice cream.

They were all delicious.  My favorite, even though I am a chocolaholic, was the English Lemon Meringue Custard.  It was delightfully different.

As a parting gift, Darigold each gave us a talking Ice Cream Man scoop.  

It yells, “Ice Cream,” and then you hear bells ringing from an old-fashioned ice cream truck.  Unfortunately, we ice cream addicts do not like a lot of noise when we are sneaking the last bites out of the box, so I think I will keep that hidden in the drawer.

Margo and Libby, the neighbors, had plopped themselves down on my living room couch.

They were arguing over who had the worst day.  Margo had spent the day picking lint out of the dryer.  Libby had cracked her shins on her cars rusty tailpipe and then stood in line all day trying to renew her driver’s license.

I, on the other hand, was clinging to the arms of the sofa.  My throat muscles paralyzed, waiting for the moment to blurb out my exciting news.

“Of course, none of these things would bother me.” Margo said, “If something dazzling ever happened around here.”

Look at ‘em; they’re so unhappy. I thought.  A lowlife. That’s all I am. I bit my bottom lip as I listened to Libby describe her tight-fitting shoes, and then—I couldn’t stop myself.  I stood up and shouted. “I WON THE CONTEST.”

Libby stopped talking, and Margo spilled her coffee. “What?” they said simultaneously.

“The Nancy and Tracey Take On The World” special that was on last Friday,” I said.  “You know they are the two girls on King TV’s Almost Live comedy sketch show at 11:30 pm every Saturday night.  I won their contests in 25 words say, “Why The World Owes Me A Living.”

“I wrote:  Cereal has hardened in the bowl, dog threw up on the bed, my gums are shrinking, Prince Charming skipped, I use to date Bill Gates.”

At this point, the three of us were high-flying when Margo shouted, “What did you win!”

Tears welled in my eyes as I explained I was on TV for 30 seconds (you didn’t want to blink) dinner at the Georgian in the Four Seasons Olympic Hotel.  Have my hair done at Anthony Tiberio Salon. But the best part was to meet Nancy and Tracey.

“Tell us about them,” they both giggled.  (I thought they would never ask!)

I arrived at King TV at 11 am with my 25 words memorized.  The building itself is spectacular with its five floors, skylighted with a fountain in the lobby.

Tracey Conway met me at the reception area, shaking my hand, looking just like she does on TV.  Nancy Guppy sporting a new short hairdo, tells me we are going to a local park to have me say my 25 words on camera, giving me her big grin.

The three of us walk toward the back of the building to a parking garage where the crew Ralph, Matt, and Peter waited for us inside a large van. The van was full of laughter, and the ride was too short.

We all piled out at the park, and Nancy, the Executive Producer of the special, handed me my original letter to read the 25 words.  She stood on my right with a microphone, and Tracey stood on my left to hand me the prize envelope.

Nancy introduced me, and then I had to look into the camera lens while this fellow on the left of me held a big reflector size of a giant pizza pan that they promised me would make me look thin.  Ha Ha.

We took three takes and called it a wrap.  I was so disappointed.  I wanted it to last all day, and it took less than an hour.

Nancy and Tracey agreed to meet me the following week for an interview for my newspaper column Overdone and Undercooked.  I asked if maybe they would want to go to lunch, too.

I arrived the next Tuesday only to find Nancy and Tracey in their coats, ready to eat lunch.  Without even thinking, I had said that I would drive.

“OH NO,” Margo shook her head.  ‘In YOUR car!”

I have no intention of humiliating myself by relating that grim scene of Nancy trying to find a place to put her feet with her eyes rolling wildly in her head, knowing whatever was down there would stay on the bottom of her shoes forever.

Tracey bravely sat in the backseat where out of pure nervousness, I flung the Styrofoam ice chest, sandals, portable radio, Nickelodeon magazines, hamburger wrappers, and nail polish that was just sitting in the front seat.  I couldn’t bear to see what was already in the backseat.

We drove to Macrina restaurant in Belltown, and outwardly they were the best.  Easy to talk to and as fun as they appear on TV.

“It was a chance to use our more edgy pieces,” Tracy said with great satisfaction when asked about Why The World Owes You a Living. “A chance to have control over a project.”

Tracy, originally from New Mexico, went to graduate school in Los Angeles.  She loved Seattle, moved here, and worked as a temp at King TV in the secretary pool and acted in the evening in theatre productions. John Keister, the host of Almost Live, would pull her out to use her in skits. Until one day, he wanted her full time.

Recently, Almost Live had been syndicated on Comedy Central. They were taping eight shows every two weeks.  Tracey says she enjoyed the big crew and lots of artistic license.

“We try locally, though,” Tracey sighed, “not to think too big; we have to keep our sketches within our budget.”

Nancy’s husband, Joe Guppy, was one of the original cast members, and they had an opportunity to spend three years in Los Angeles writing for HBO’s “Not Necessarily The News.”

About L.A. Nancy said, shaking her head, ‘Well, we didn’t hate it, just needed not to be there, all you do is work, when not working trying to find work. Besides, I love the rain,” she said, her eyes shining

Nancy, a Seattle native, likes the routine of the show. She does admit it is not a job that you leave at the office and have very little time for much else.  They work Tuesday through Saturday and tape Saturday evening.  They spend the week writing, producing, and directing the skits with the rest of the cast.

I turned to Margo and Libby and said, “I don’t mind admitting I could use more days filled with adventure, especially meeting people as fun as Nancy and Tracey.”

NANCY GUPPY’S BLACKBERRY COBBLER (WHENEVER SHE FINDS THE TIME)

1 CUP FLOUR

¾ CUP OATMEAL

½ CUP BROWN SUGAR

1 TSP CINNAMON

½ CUP MELTED BUTTER

¼ CUP CHOPPED WALNUTS

3 CUPS BLACKBERRIES (FROZEN IS FINE)

Press half of the flour mixture into a greased 8” square pan.  Pour in berries.  Top with another half of flour mixture. Bake for one hour at 350 degrees

“Tell me I forget, show me I remember, involve me, I understand. Those words have served me well as an educator and on my recent journey to Ireland.” Wryly advised John Loy as he stepped away from the poster on his office wall and sat at his desk.

“Ireland is the country of my great,great,great,great grandfather John Irwin, who was part of The Royal Inniskilling Regiment,” Loy said proudly. ‘It was wonderful to learn that the country’s charms are in the beauty of its people.”

Loy, 48, assistant principal at Northshore Junior High, recently celebrated his 25^th wedding anniversary in Ireland. 

Loy met his wife Annette, a district teacher at Kokanee, where they both attended Blanchett High School.  Their daughter, Colleen, a 9^th-grade student at Northshore Junior High, a niece and Loy’s In-laws, traveled together to Ireland.

Loy stood up and moved forward- a newly trimmed- Loy dapper in his Irish tweed jacket purchased from the tailor in the town of Donegal. “The food in Ireland, especially the breakfasts, was very hard to pass up. I have had to work hard to get back in shape.” Laughs Loy.

A district employee for the last 13 years, Loy enthusiastically thumbed through the family photos of castles, bogs, an breathtaking scenery.  Even pictures of all the food. They attended medieval banquets where the meal was eaten with hands and a knife only.

“But the abundant Irish breakfast known for their quality of ingredients and the quantity of food was the most memorable,” Loy said. “A surprise was the wonderful teas so rich with flavor,” enthusiasm carried in his words, “They are very serious about their teas, and you have to make it just right.”

The Loy family will celebrate St Patrick’s day, the patron saint of Ireland, who died around 461 with fond recollection of the medieval history of Ireland.

Their stay at the Bunratty Castle was built around 1450 on the Shannon river bank. It is unique for its authentic 15^th and 16^th-century furnishing. And a folk park where they have a living reconstruction of their homes and their environment of medieval Ireland. It includes rural farmhouses, village shops, and streets with their lawns and peacocks.

Below is a recipe from the Bunratty Castle cookbook that the Loy family would like to share.

TYPICAL IRISH BREAKFAST

Start off with a freshly cut grapefruit dust one half of the grapefruit with sugar. It is followed by a bowl of smooth porridge of oatmeal gently cooked in milk and served with an individual jug of cream.

After that comes rashers (a term used to describe a portion of thinly sliced ham or bacon) sausages and eggs, served with scones and brown soda bread warm from the oven, honey, homemade preserves, fresh butter and a pot of tea.

A good cup of Irish tea is made with freshly drawn water brought to a brisk boil. Pour a little into a 4 cup earthenware teapot to warm it, then empty the water out.

Using good quality tea, put 3-5 teaspoons, according to taste into the warmed pot.  Bring the water back to the boil and pour it on immediately.  Cover the pot with a tea cozy. Allow to brew for 5 minutes; any shorter and the flavor will not have developed, any longer and the tannin will start to come out, making the tea taste bitter. This is why the water should be boiled and not the tea boiled in the water.

For each person, gently fry two sausages over a low heat until well cooked through and golden brown on the outside.

Also, fry a couple of slices each of black and white pudding. Remove from the pan and keep hot.  Drain off the fat, as it is somewhat indigestible, and fry two rashers of bacon having first cut off the rind.  Now fry a couple of eggs in the bacon fat, spooning the hot fat over the yolks to set them.

Fry a few mushrooms and half a tomato and a slice or two of potato cakes.  Add a knob of butter if there is not sufficient bacon fat, but do not cook in butter alone as it burns at too low a temperature.

Being a mother is one of life’s great rewards. However, sometime caring for your newborn infant can be a bit awesome. It especially concerns the rising questions about baby food.

Many mothers are now taking steps in preparing their own baby food.  Having not experienced the delights of motherhood, as yet, my friend Kris has many delightful tales of her firstborn son, Joshua.  He is just beginning to enjoy solids, and they are both experiencing the art of making baby food

Here are some tips Kris would like to share from her Doctor and classes she has been attending.

Starting with your kitchen basic, a good food blender is a necessity for mixing small quantities and for storage. Mini blender jars are handy and worth the extra pennies, too.

Kris finds a food grinder to be useful also. The food can be ground immediately after cooking and served to the baby.

An easy way to store food for your infant is simply a plastic ice cube tray! It is the perfect size to feed baby one cube.

Some of the easiest things to start feeding your baby are bananas, egg yolks, and yogurt.

Questioning Kris about the benefits of yogurt for the baby, she has learned through her classes that yogurt is a perfect beginning food for babies.

It contains bacteria that help the baby’s stomach to produce the valuable B Vitamins, which he needs for growth.

Since yogurt is not sweet, it is good to accustom your child to eat it every day, and then he will not crave sweets the way a child raised on sugary cereals, canned fruits, candy, and other highly sweetened foods, will. (Baby won’t grow up to be a Chubby)

When you start feeding your baby fruit, try various fresh fruits in the yogurt: Blueberries, strawberries, cherries, as well as apples, oranges, pears, and peaches are good when in season.

Here then, is an indispensable variety of tasty recipes for your baby.  And what is more comforting for mother than to know her baby is getting the nutritional ingredient’s her baby needs to grow..after all, you are what you eat!

FOOD FOR BABY

Applesauce:  Beat in a blender, one raw peeled diced apple, ¼ cup apple juice, and a dash of salt.

Orange juice: There is no need to buy expensive orange juice made, especially for babies.  Just squeeze one orange, strain, and serve.

Banana; Peel one ripe banana mash it in a dish with a fork.  Bananas are excellent as a portion of base food.  Add a bit of milk, cereal or juice.

Cottage Cheese and Fruit: Mix together ½ cup cottage cheese, ½ cup fresh fruit and four tablespoons orange juice

Fruit soup: Delicious served cold or hot.  After preparing fruit (peeling, pitting), blend thoroughly with milk, heat for about 10 minutes.

Pea soup: One package of frozen peas cooked according to directions.  Drain water from peas.  Pour peas into a blender and mix well. Add three egg yolks, milk about 2 cups and one cup water from peas.  Pour into a pan and simmer for about 30 minutes

Chicken Noodle Soup: Blend 4 cups chicken broth, one cup cooked egg noodles, and one cup cooked cubed chicken. Let simmer for about 20 minutes

Mushroom Cream Soup: Blend ¼ cup chopped mushrooms and ½ cup milk together thoroughly.  In a saucepan melt three tablespoons butter, then add mushroom mixture. Cook slowly for about 10 minutes gradually stir in 1 tablespoon flour and one cup chicken broth and one cup milk.  Cook slowly till flavors are well blended.

Baked Tomatoes: Peel and halve one medium-sized tomato.  Spread top with soft butter and bake at 375 degrees for 15 minutes. Blend lightly

Corn Pudding: Beat two eggs. Add 2 cups of corn and two teaspoons sugar.  In a saucepan, add two tablespoons butter and 1 – 3/4 cup milk simmer until butter is melted and milk is hot. Add hot milk and butter mixture to egg mixture.  Pour into greased baking dish.  Bake at 400 degrees for 35 minutes until pudding is hard to the touch.

Beef Stew: In a small pot, add one cup cubed beef, 1/4 cup mixed vegetables (carrots, green beans, etc.) 1/4 cup potatoes. Be sure to add some of the juices of the beef and vegetables. Steam until just barely soft. Place all in blender puree on high speed.    Pour into an ice cube tray. Freeze.  Remove cubes and store them in a plastic freezer bag.  Remove cube as needed.  Heat and serve.